Many people believe that trust, once broken, can take a long time to
rebuild, if it can even be done. However, there are some specific things
you can do to rebuild trust after wronging your mate in a relationship.
(If your mate wronged you there is a slightly different process to
achieve the same result, go here)
Step One is to accept the blame for what you did. This in itself is
radical. Instead of giving lame excuses or blaming your mate for being
cold to you, you just take the blame. "Hon, I wronged you, I cheated on
you." When our mate has wronged us one of the things we wonder is do
they really understand what they did wrong. Step one takes care of this.
You make it very clear that you are to blame and you accept
responsibility.
That is a great start! It is entirely different from all the bs we
usually get into when there is a problem in a relationship. I screwed up
and I'm owning up to it is a very powerful thing " if you mean it and
don't keep screwing up.
The second step builds on this. You then say something like "I know I
hurt you, and here is the hurt I think I caused you." This
emotional mirroring is extremely powerful.
Look, your ex is hurting! They may be furious with you, or they may feel
sad and broken hearted. They are in emotional pain. So you fess up to
that to, since you caused all the pain they're feeling. Hey, not only
did I cheat on you, but I caused you pain. I hurt you deeply, I made you
feel worthless, like I didn't appreciate and respect you. I know I broke
your heart.
Wow! This is different than most any other approach your ex has heard!
You aren't bs'ing your ex, you are being responsible. This is what I
did, it caused you pain, and this is the pain I think I caused you, and
again, I'm owning up to it.
Using the best words you can find, describe the emotional damage you
think you caused. You want your partner to get a good sense that you
understand the emotional damage you caused them. This is critical to
rebuilding trust.
Most apologies don't work because they miss these two steps. Accept
blame for what you did and let your mate know you understand the
emotional pain you caused. When you do this, your apology is much more
effective towards rebuilding trust. There are more steps to it, but
these first two can take you a long way.
A few action steps for you are
these:
Write out how you'd accept
blame for what you did. Just one sentence or two. Then write
out what damage you think you caused emotionally for your mate.
This will help you to be more effective when you start this process.
There are a lot more steps to
the process of getting your ex back. If you would like to get your
ex back quickly, you can check out a
complete 7 Step Strategy here at
Get Your Love Back Now.
