Most people have never been
trained on how to apologize. We know to say I’m sorry, but not much
more than that. When your relationship has ended and you want your ex
back, just saying I’m sorry will probably not work that well.
One of the "great" things
about relationship problems is how much we get to learn from them.
They help us to grow up and become more capable hopefully in our
dealings with everyone. One thing that it is very good to learn
from relationship breakdowns and break ups is how to make a good
apology.
Making a good, powerful
apology is something that can help all of us, because at various time in
life we can save relationships from going south just by offering a
powerful apology. Just saying I'm sorry is kinda the first level
of apologizing. It is better than nothing, but often doesn't
repair the damage we seek to repair.
There are, however, other
levels of apologizing. There are much more impactful ways of saying I’m
sorry. When your relationship has ended because you did something wrong
and your ex kicked you out, you will likely need to make a “power
apology.”
A power apology has as many as
7 or eight steps to it. A power apology is designed to get your ex
from anger or hurt to acceptance and forgiveness in just hours or
sometimes even minutes. Power apologies should be taught in school,
they are so useful in keeping relationships from ending. Here are the
steps to a Power Apology:
The first thing is to fess up
to what you did. Own up to it. Admit it if you wronged your mate
(there is a different process if your mate wronged you). This is
important because rather than excuses and explanations “I was drunk, it
didn’t mean anything!” you let your ex know that you understand that you
did them wrong.
The second step is to mirror
their feelings. This is powerful relationship intelligence. How do you
mirror their feelings? You say something like “I know what I did hurt
you, and made you feel betrayed, and sad.” You tell your ex how what
you did made them feel. Mirroring their emotional state is potent
emotional intelligence. Your ex will start to feel really heard.
The third step is to let them
vent. Now you let them tell you how they feel about what you did
wrong. You don’t argue, you don’t defend yourself, you let them get
their angry and hurt feelings off their chest. Your only job here is to
make them feel heard and understood.
If you have followed these
first three steps, you are well on your way to making an apology that
will get accepted and lead to forgiveness. By this point you have not
tried to blame or defend yourself to your ex for what you did wrong.
You have been an adult and taken responsibility. At some level they
will respect this.
Then you have surprised them
by mirroring their feelings, so they are feeling like you understand
them. And finally, you have listened to them, let them vent and get
things off their chest.
Once you have done these three
things, you are now ready to actually apologize. And your apology will
much more likely be accepted, which can lead your ex back into your arms
fast.
There are more steps after you
apologize, which you can get in Part 2 of this article
here…
If you would like to get your
ex back even when they're not that into you anymore, you can check out a
complete 7 Step Strategy here at
Get Your Love Back Now.
